Sorry it took so long to post this morning. I had the Dr. appt and then when I came in we were putting the annoying newsletter together. Now I'm just waiting for pizza!
Anyways last night was HELL. I went to work only to find out the Inspector from the Denny's corporation was there checking everything. Well I don't wear a belt because I wera black dickies that don't have a belt loop because they have pockets on the side, since they have not given me an apron. So I was rushed to the back because my uniform was not up to par. So I sat around for 30 minutes without getting paid so I told the creepy manager that I was leaving and he let me. Other things happened as well when I was at work. The creepy manager kissed me on the cheek. He is married and is like 40 or older. And then when I went outside to wait for the verdict of leaving, he grabbed my legs. He makes me really uncomfortable. he also makes comments that are not appropriate. I think I am going to look for another job and say goodbye to this hellhole. I could tell someone but they are so close there and sneaky, I don't want to get fired before I find somehting else.

So I get home and Steven wants to order from Ruby Tuesdays and I told him I would pick it up since I wanted to go to the mall anyways. Well I'm dialing 411 with a lit cigarette and I knock the cherry off onto my leg. It burns like shit so I move my leg so it drops onto our black leather couch leaving a tiny hole. Well S went beserk. He was yelling and I kept saying I was sorry and he kept yelling so I started crying. When I get yelled at it reminds me of my past so it makes me nervous and I cry. He then got mad I was crying. So I told him he could do his own dinner and I went upstairs. he was still yelling up the stairs at me. So I stayed in our room from 7-10pm. I didn't go downstairs until my stomach started hurting from needing food. So I went downstairs and S had made Tuna helper. It smelled funny and I asked him why and he gave me no response. So apparently he decided to give me the silent treatment. I then said that to him and he gave me an attitude on how I was acting like I was 2 by crying and walking away. So I grabbed some cereal and went back upstairs. I ate and then I brushed my teeth and fell asleep. Well he came up about 11:30 and laid down and started trying to wake me up by tickling me. So I wake up and I'm like why did you wake me up. And he had no response. So then he rolls over and falls asleep. So I lay there till 12:30 and can't go back to sleep. So I go downstairs and watch the DVR shows I have been wanting to see till 2am. I went back upstairs and S was hogging the bed and snoring so I went to sleep in the baby's room.
So this morning he comes into the baby's room and hits my foot and asks why I was sleeping in the baby's room. I tell him that he was snoring and he said that I was full of shit because he was awake when I left the room. Which I don't think but whatever. So I go back in our room and lay back down because I didn't have to be up yet. So he comes in from showering and starts getting an attitude on he can't find his uniforms and where did I put them. When we moved in and I was unpacking I showed him a tub of his uniforms for the winter. So I tell him. he then hits his foot against the treadmill and he's cussing and fussing. then he leaves and doesn't say goodbye.
So I then text him and say don't bother to call me if you are going to yell or have an attitude.
He just called me, it's noon and he was fine and acting like his normal self.
So last night I realized when I was laying there that I have a feeling S doesn't love me or want me anymore because we barely talk anymore and we barely even touch eachother anymore. I don't remember us kissing eachother either for awhile. We use to sleep cuddled up together and we use to kiss goodnight and goodbye and he use to hug me and be sweeter. But for the past 2 weeks he has become distant and just goes to sleep at night. he doesn't even try to touch me. Except the other morning. I don't think sex is the most important part of a relationship, but it's a time for me to feel connected to my man and feel like I'm the only one he wants to be with. It's more mental for me than physical. But we have lost that.
I have lost weight because of the meds but I know my body isn't perfect. Either is his. But I was there for him when he got all fat when he was off work for almost a year due to his back injury and I always made him feel better when he was going through that. I've been there for him the whole time. Because I love him. But I don't think he loves me anymore or even loved me in the beginning. He never tells me and when I say it to him he says "I'm sure you do". Never has he said I love you too. He's said I love you about 3 times to me and he was intoxicated all 3 times.
I'm just not sure how he feels and I'm so upset. plus my 2nd job is starting to freak me out and it makes me not even want to go if the manager is on duty. The other manager is really cool and he's down to earth. I could tell him but I don't know. I think the best thing to do is find another job making more tips and not sleezy managers. Plus they rip my hours off.
But I'm now going to go and eat my pizza. I am just in a mood of confusion.