Ok well this is now the official 2nd night of NO SLEEP. When I say NO SLEEP I mean maybe 2 hours in the past 2 days.
Last night S was snoring again so I kept nudging him all night. I would of gotten out of bed but I was so tired and cold. Well about 4:30 I couldn't take it anymore and I hit him, apparently pretty hard to wake his stupid ass up. Well all hell breaks out from here. I will explain:
Well apparently, like I said, I must be pretty strong because I hit him pretty hard and woke his Nyquill ass induced sleep. He went off. He was like "How the fuck are you going to wake me up at 4:30 am?" So I couldn't take it anymore so I went off the handle. I was screaming at the top of my lungs. I was yelling at him for snoring for the past 2 nights and I have to work and I'm so fucking tired. So he's like I can't control my snoring and told me to fuck off. So I then tell him he's an asshole and I'm done with him and I can't take anymore bullshit from him. I went into the baby's room and locked the door and just cried. So he comes knocking on the door yelling at me to unlock it and saying that it's not his fault and all this shit. And I told him to go away and leave me alone. And so then he goes into the bathroom and I hear him call me an immature selfish bitch. First off, if you know me, don't call me a bitch and mean it. joking is fine, but don't say it in anger because that is fuel to make me even madder. So I told him to fuck off and we were done for ever.
So then I was crying and crying and I couldn't sleep so I went downstairs at 5:15, I saw the sun rise and I saw 7:30 when I had to shower and go to work. I watched Sex and the City re-runs on On Demand on HBO. So i have been awake all night and slept maybe an hour. And I have to go to the law thing again today to see Amelia Badelia.
So i went and showered and he came in while I was brushing my teeth. Damn one bathroom with a shower. So I don't say a word and I get dressed and go back into the bathroom and put deodarant on and leave the house with NO word to him at all. Very proud of myself. So I then dive to work and he calls me and asks me if we are done and I told him I didn't want to talk because I was so tired. So he asks me if I am going to apologize and I tell him "I'm an immature selfish bitch and I don't owe you an apology, just like you don't owe me one". He said he didn't owe me an apology earlier in the phone convo. So then he's like "so are we done? And he also said "I can't have a roomate that won't speak to me. You pushed that we move in together and this is what I was afraid of". So I told him he had a choice in that matter and we could of lived seperately if he had been a man and voiced his opinion. Well he says this was what he wanted. Then he's like "it's all your fault I was mad at 4:30 anyways. I can't help the snoring" And I know this but I have asked him to try some breathing strips or something to control it. I figured since he was on Nyquill last night he would be zonked out and sleep. But he won't try anything. He states that I am stubborn and I tell him it's not only the snoring, I told him he really hurts my feeling s all the time with being a jerk and we aren't close anymore. it's like being roomies that have sex on occasion. I don't want that I tell him. So he says he has to go and I hang up without saying goodbye! I'm so proud of myself.
So 10 minutes later he calls me again and asks if breaking up is what I want to do and I tell him that he wouldn't even care if we broke up. And he doesn't respond. So I'm guessing he doesn't. He then says when I get home tonight, from my birthday dinner with the baby's Nana and PaPa, we will settle this for good. I tell him there are things I want in this relationship that I don't think I will get ever and what's the point. he says we will settle this once and for all tonight and we hung up.
So the drama continues and I'm not even upset anymore. I will be upset and heartboken if he decides he doesn't want to have a serious and committed adult relationship, but I will move on. BUt not into another relationship. I will move on into my own place and just be single and work hard to save more money and then move to richmond and be near by girl when she moves.
I'm done with him if he isn't willing to start communicating his feelings for me and we spend more time doing things and he does stuff with me and the baby. I want the baby to have a father figure and I want a family and S is good with kids. They seem to like him. And the baby adores him. But we will survive and move on. We have done it before.

Onto more news. My girl's baby father didn't end up in jail at court yesterday. he has 90 days to shape up or maybe serve jail time. But she got the visitation cut down to one weekend a month, which is a boost for me so I will be able to see her more often and the baby and her baby can be "sisters" since I don't see myself having any children in the near or ever future because I don't want a man if S and I break up for good. I'm done with relationships. I'll just have my baby and maybe adopt another baby down the road. I don't care at this point. I do care but the sleep deprivation is making me bitchy and cranky, so sorry to anyone that comes into my crossfire. I am apologizing in advance.
And I got to work today and decorated my bosses office. He turns 50 on Saturday. I am trying to bring the pictures up off my camera on my phone to show what I did. I terrorized it. And it made me happy. he'll be in tomorrow morning, but I won't see his face becasue I will be at the Dr. Hopefully he won't hurt me. But he is a Scorpio, like me, so I think he will find it funny and also sweet. He is a good guy.

Here is the picture of his door. I have a sign that says over the Hill at the top and black streamers hanging in the door.

Here is his desk with Over the Hill streamers.

And in other news, I got an email from Steven's mom this morning wishing me a Happy Birthday and saying she can't be there to make me dinner she had Omaha steaks prepare me a package with steak, corn and cake. It will come on the 22nd. She is so sweet. I can't beleive how sweet she is. i will be devastated to loose her if S and I end it tonight for good. She would be a great mother-in-law and grandmother.

Ok I'm off here. I gotta finish last minute details for today's offsite. Won't be back till 4:30. Then I am getting taken to s Japanese Steakhouse with the baby and her grandparents (sperm boys family). The place is so nice. The make the food right there in front of you. The baby loves when they make the fire!

Birthday is Monday!