How do you tell someone you love them and know you won't hear it back? Is it posible for someone to love you and not express it? I mean I know I love S since like the third day we were together...
let me back up...I have known S for about 5 years now. We saw eachother occasionally. He was there at my wedding. He was there when Ana was born. He was there when she was baptized. He was sperm boys friend in MS and HS, but grew apart after HS.
When sperm boy and I seperated I went out with psycho mike and then S and I got together. We were at a mother's day kegger..yes I know, very mothers day like...and he was drunk. His mother, had just lost her husband and her sons father a month prior, was there. She told me not to let them drive home drunk. I took the "crew" over to another friends house. We hung out and S put his head on my shoulder and said that my shoulder was comfortable. My shoulders are bony. Reminder: S was really drunk.
So we leave the marines house and S got into the front of my new car. The rest piled in. I dropped them all off except for S. He made it a point to have me drop him last. He asks me in to watch a movie and we end up making out and end up sleeping together. I give him my number. I leave expecting never to hear from him again. I was wrong. he called the next day and asked me if I wanted to hang out. And the next and the next and so on. I fell in love with S three days after the first day we spent together.
When we took our break I was still in love with him. I would drive by his house to see if he was home...yeah I'm crazy. And I was the one who mentioned the break, not him. We talked everyday and even on my bday I got a card, flowers and a beautiful butterfly necklace. We were not together.
So now almost 2 years into it, does he love me? He has said it a few times, like two times. I say it alot. i guess I need to hear it because I never heard it as a child. I need to hear it to know. But he never says it when I say it back.
Ok I need to leave work. Sometimes things just pop into my head and I write them for my own ramblings...