I have no work right now. I forgot to add my interesting conversation with S yesterday afternoon.
It started with me asking him where we should put our Christmas tree this year and he looked at me funny and said we weren't going to get one because they are too messy and he hasn't had one for a long time. They didn't have one last year because his father had died and his little bro was in Iraq and his mom wasn't in the mood to celebrate christmas. I told him we are getting one becasue I have had a tree every year and the baby will be with us this year. He then said he wasn't into decorating it or putting it up or anything. He said he wasn't into it. So I am still going to get a tree, a small one just for Ana. One that doesn't shed everywhere. He will just see it there one day. he can't do anything about that.
So I then ask him if there is anything else I should know he isn't into. he says no.
So I then I ask him about if he likes kids and he said "so-so". And then he smiles and giggles. I ask him about if he saw himself getting married and having a family and he said he didn't know. I then ask him about his five year plan and he said he didn't have one. The he makes up how he is going to move to Jamaica and do what Jamaicans do all day. I kept telling him that was a dumb dream and he was BSing me.
So I then ask him why we are together and he said he had no idea. And I told him if I broke up with him we would not be friends and I would move away so I would never have to see him. He asked me why we couldn't be friends and still hang out. I said because my heart would be broken and I wouldn't want to run into you with another girl. So I then asked him if that is what he wanted and he said No, he didn't want that.
So now I have to muddle through this convo and see where he really is serious or not. I would love to get married again and start a family, but I'm also not waiting five to 6 years for this. I will be 25 next Monday. So I need to start making my plans for the next 5 years. I don't want to be 35 and the baby be 15 and have a newborn in the in the house.