OK so last night with S was interesting. Yesterday while I was at registration, he called me and left me a message, because I can't answer my phone at an offiste. The message says he can't stop thinking I was really mad at him and he can't work with this on his mind and he wasn't mad anymore and thinks it's dumb that we were fighting. He also wanted to make sure I wasn't still mad but since I didn't answer my phone or call him back he figured I was. I was still mad and i didn't text him like I ususally do and he mentioned that as well.

Why is it that when you do something everyday and you don't one day, why does it feel so un-normal? I had to control myself from not texting him because I was mad, but I also know if I don't do it, he calls and asks why I didn't. It's mostly because I forget sometimes.

But anyways back to my story. I didn't call him back and I got back to work and checked my email. And then my boss came in and he saw his office and he gave me a hug. So I still have my job! So I left to go to the baby's Nana's house for my dinner celebration for my birthday..which is Monday...so I am driving and S calls me again. This time I answer with a smart attitude. And he asks if I'm still mad and I say yes. He's all chipper and tells me he isn't mad and this is stupid..blah blah blah. He said I needed to calm down. So I tell him that we will talk when I get home and I was on my way to celebrate with the baby. So I hang up and have a nice dinner and I got presents and sperm boy and his friend came down as well. For some reason it was nice to see Sperm Boy and his cute police friend, Scottie. Plus Scottie is such a sweet person and outgoing. The baby adores him. So we had cake and the baby gave me my presents, which she opened them all for me. I am wearing one of the sweaters I got. And then I got to bring my cake home and some of the left over chinese.
So I got home and S is laying on the couch in full sweats, sweat pants and sweatshirt and socks. I look at him and he looks like shit. He has a bundle of tissue next to him and a roll of toilet paper on the table. He says he is sick. so I tell him that he needs to go to bed and he refuses.
So I bring it up to him that earlier that day he said we needed to settle this and he said he wasn't even thinking about our dumb fight anymore and I explained to him it was more than just our dumb fight. I said to him that I wanted to know where he was thinking this relationship would go or is going. He states he doesn't know. So I keep saying "how do you not know? I know what I want." He then starts giggling with his laugh when he thinks I'm being nutty and he kept saying I was nuts and he doesn't know.

So I then sit there and smoke a cigarette and stare at him. I put my cigarette out and I tell him that until he figures out what he wants us to do, then we are on a break. We will sleep seperately but we will not date other people, but we need a break. I told him I feel like I am in a rut that isn't moving anywhere. I told him we already had lived together 6 months prior to moving into our townhouse and I wanted to know what he thought and wanted in our future. how do you not know that? How does one have no goals? Or maybe he is to chicken to tell me. Or doesn't know how.
So he said that he didn't move in with me to sleep seperately and I said well "I don't know if I want to sleep in the same bed with you." I changed and got my pillow and blanket and put it in the baby's room. S went to bed because he said he felt like shit and I watched the rest of the Sex in the City episodes on In Demand. I went to sleep in the baby's room.

So we didn't break up but I can't live with a man and not know his intentions for us. I'm getting to old to play games. I already have a 4, almost 5 year old, so I have matured before my friends that don't have kids. I've had to mature for several reasons. I didn't have a carefree teenage life and I don't regret having my daughter either. I just don't feel the need to be immature and not an adult. But I guess S hasn't grown up and he may never. I use to think it was because I was his first REAL girlfriend but that excuse isn't going to fly anymore.

I went to the Dr. today and got a refill on my meds and he said I look like Angelina Jolie. He is crazy. I think it's just my lips. I have nice lips. But I don't think I look like Angelina Jolie. She is a hottie. I would totally go les for her.

And S just called and asked me why I only texted him Have a good day. He said "you don't love me any more?" (cause I always say I love you) and I said "I don't know." And then had to get off to finish my breakfast. I'm being a bitch I know but sometimes you gotta be a bitch to get what you want. And I want him to tell me sooner than later what he wants from us. I don't want to stay in a relationship for 5 years and still wonder where the hell we are going. It's like living in limbo.

Sperm Boy leaves tomorrow afternoon for 10 days. it's going to be nice because I won't have him calling me all the time. Scottie told me he would take me to dinner on Monday for my bday but I told him I had to work. But it was still nice of him to ask.

The baby has her first competition tomorrow afternoon. I will take more pics and hopefully the Sparklers (that's their name) will win a nice trophy!

Have a nice friday and weekend, drink a shot to celebrate me turning 25 since I won't be doing anything this weekend and have sex, since I am becoming celebant till S makes his mind up. I can hold out because I don't have a problem masturbating!