questioning my morals...
Stripes
December 30, 2005

MORAL QUESTIONS
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OK I consider myself to have good morals. I don't cheat on the people I am with, unless you count kissing other people as cheating. S and I say cheating is sticking your dick in someone else or having a dick stuck in you. I know I am crude..sorry. I don't steal things. I don't beat my child or kill helpless animals. I don't lie, except little white lies to make people happy. I keep my kid fed and healthy and happy. I work my ass off...

So with all this said..why is it that I want to sleep with S's best friend waters? Everytime I see him I think about getting on my knees and giving him head. He is a fine piece of ass. I think my man is hot as well, but waters is a different hot. He is very into his image. And he dresses so hot. So why is it that I want to jump his bones? I mean when he spent the night a few times when we first moved in I was always thinking of how if he walked upstairs and both him and S took me because apparently I found S's fuck buddy Karley was taken by waters and another one of S's friends after S stopped hitting that.
Does this mean I have bad morals?
Or is it that I'm bored with sleeping with S and that is why I went and got a toy that is bigger than my man and wider? Is it my subconscious telling me that I am not satisfied in my sex life with my man?
I hope that's not it, but thinking about sleeping with waters and some other people makes me wonder.
I love S and I love being with him but in the bedroom I am totally different than I am in real life. I am a freak. Sometimes I am dominate and sometimes I am submissive. Most of the time I am a dom because I beleive S inst into all the freaky things I want to try. So I'm usually on top telling him to talk to me real dirty to make me cum..well he says the sames things over and over and sometimes he giggles and that throws me off.
I would like for one day that I come home from working at night and S be at the door, grab me and take me upstairs, undress me and shower with me..wash my body and hair and shave for me and then take me from the shower and do whatever he wants to do to me. I don't even care what he does to me. He is the only that has ever been allowed to go in the back door ever and he knows I am cool with it, every once and awhile. Not all the time. I don't know why he is so not willing to be more dominant.
Like last night I told him to tell me how he wants me to fuck him and he says I don't care, however you want to do it. Anytime I ask him anything to do with sex when we are in bed he says whatever I want to do.
I even told him I want to be his sex slave and I want him to control me in bed, ONLY. I think I have an issue.
Am I insane? Or just a plain weirdo? Is wanting to be controlled in bed make me a freak? Does wanting to be handcuffed and blindfolded and taken by my man make me a freak? Or wanting to have sex with S and his friend waters at the same time make me a slut?

Maybe I should go to church and pray for myself.

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