I just looked on my calendar and realized that it was December 2nd! To many of you this date menas nothing to you, but to me this date is really important to me and will always hold close to my heart.

Six years ago today I was bringing a child into this world. A girl with jet black hair, weighing 7 pounds, 11 ounces and lengthy. It took her almost 2 days to make an appearance into this world. I was lying in a bed in my own room in a birthing center in North Carolina. I liked the place. It was just for pregnant women and the nurses were all great. If I had another baby, I would want to go to a place like that.

My mom, my cousin and two of my mom's girlfriends were in there holding my legs, my hand and cheering me on. I remember my mom kept looking down there and talking while I'm pushing. I wanted to slap her for some many reasons, but I was also glad she had come, even though for the past 9 months she wasn't around. I needed my mom there.

When she was born she had a cone head and looked like an alien. Once they cleaned her up and they got her dressed, she looked a lot better. Of course my mom was on her cell calling everyone to tell them the baby had been born.

I took about an hour to hold her and talk to her and feed her her first bottle. Then I asked her new parents to come into the room and see her. I remember the father walked in and started crying and was so happy to see the baby and so happy to finally be able to hold her after 7 months of being in contact with me. The mother started crying as well, which sent me over the top. Everyone in the room was crying. Even my mother. I let them stay in the room with me and hold her and just spend time with these amazing people that were going to take the baby I had carried for 9 months home with them to Minnesota and raise her like their own.

The next day my best friend Marshall came and sat with me and the baby. I named her Noel Marie, since it was December. Her parents changed it to Kaylee Noel after they brough her home. I am glad they kept the Noel in her name. It meant alot to me.

The same day I signed the adoption papers with her laying on my chest. She was so beautiful but not tiny. She had gotten her fathers height gene. He was 6 foot 7 inches. I am five foot. Go figure!

My mother had our priest come in from the church and do an adoption service with all of us there. My dad and brother came as well. My dad ad tears in his eyes. He didn't speak at all to me.

The third day I handed the baby over to her new parents and walked out of the maternity center crying like my best friend had died in front of me. I was crying from the soul. My best friend Marshall was there to hold my hand and we went and just sat in a park while I cried and smoked cigarettes. I even drank a beer which I got a little tipsy off since I hadn't drank for the past 10 months.

I got to say my final good bye to Kaylee and her parents the next day at the adoption office. She was wearing the outfit I had bought her. She almost was too big for it. But she looked precious. I then of course thanked the parents and asked for a minute alone with the baby and I said my final goodbye.

These were the hardest days of my whole life. And I mean nothing comapres to the heart break or courage I had those few days. I was hurting so bad and so depressed. My parents let me move back in the house but I didn't talk, eat or sleep. I decided that January 2000 I would leave and go to college and get the hell out of Charlotte. That lasted 3 months then I packed all my stuff up, left NC and moved to MD.

So today i celebrate Kaylee Noel's birthday with a small silence and smile knowing that I made two people very happy with giving them a child that was healthy and they could love.

A few months after, the couple found out they were pregnant. Since Kaylee was adopted they have had 2 more children. So they now have 3 children.

I haven't heard from them lately and I haven't really sent them any letters. We have to go through our agencies we used in the adoption. I usually send a letter at least around her birthday so if her parents are keeping them for her, she will know I thought about her every year and she would know I hadn't forgotten her.

I have my own beautiful daughter to love and hold and cherish in my life. She is my world and one day I will tell her about Kaylee, but not till she is old enough to understand why I did what I did. My daughter is #1 in my life and one day I hope to have more children to share my love with.

But for now I will silently celebrate December 2nd and loudly celebrate my daughter's birthday, January 16th.