3 more days till christmas morning when my little angel will rip into all her presents and it will last about 30 minutes when it took me 3 months to save up for christmas. But it's all about her, not me.

I'm still really tired. Another restless till 3:30am night thanks to S and his wonderful snoring. I watched TV for awhile then went and slept in the baby's room.

Not much to say. I think S and I are in a "funk". It seems we are becoming the "old married couple" where I cook and clean and he does the "manly" chores. We sit in different chairs in the living room and watch TV and then go to bed with a kiss on the cheek and a quick goodnight and roll over on our own sides.

When we started dating, I know their is that "honeymoon phase" everyone has. And ours lasted awhile. Then we took our break and got back together and we had it again. Then he got hurt and I became his caregiver and doing everything for him. And so did his mom. We had many issues and fights because he was just bitchy all the time from not working. When he finally went back to work, it was a relief. It just seems that we need to go out and buy pajamas and I sit in the rocking chair and knit while he wear his pjs sitting in a recliner smoking a pipe and reading a book, both together but in silence. And if I say anything to him about that we aren't doing well he says he's happy and doesn't understand why I say that. Maybe because I need constant reassurance that he is happy. I am a scorpio and in our nature we need 24/7 attention, mentally and physically. But we also need to make everyone happy. I feel guilty when I think someone is mad at me and I try to fix it. But on the flip side, if you REALLY hurt me, we are done. I mean we had a crazy evening on Saturday with eachother and we had a nice time after till he left and went out with marine. Since then, we haven't even made out or even touched eachother. I even have been taking showers with him in the evening hoping that will do something. And it hasn't. Also he is constantly asking me for head, but nothing since Sat. All I want him to do is put his arms around me when we are sleeping. I don't care about the sex but I need the closeness and I'm not feeling the closeness. I just feel like he's pulling away from me or maybe he's cheating on me.
While I was on the couch last night I did go through his phone and there is nothing fishy in there. He has all my texts I send every morning still in his phone. He doesn't have any weird numbers in his call log and the dialed numbers that don't have the people names, I know who they are. So it's just weird..
oh well..nuff bitching..be back in a few...