This weekend was interesting, it involved an accomplishment, some football, a strip tease turned into injury and the police.

Friday I went and got the baby from the Nana's house. She had stayed home all week from school because she was sick. Poor baby girl. So she and I ate dinner and then we got ready for bed. We fell asleep kind of early. All of us did. S was asleep before 10.
We woke up Saturday morning and she and I went over to the Nana's house for the day. The baby got a Thomas the train huge train set for her birthday (which is next monday). So we set that up and we played with that and we played with her puzzles and then I took her to the fish store and I bought 3 fish and a little tank with a filter and rocks. Close to $50 for all this and I'm sure these fish will die before next week. But that is her birthday present from me and S and you know what she named them? MOMMY, S AND POOTY(pooty is her nick name). I thought that was sweet.
So we went back to my house and we set the tank up. Hopefully it works. I have never been good with fish and keeping them alive. S and the baby played football. Of course they were both wearing their Portis jerseys for the game. But of course my camera once again is MIA. But it was cute.
Then we all left and I dropped S to the Nana's house and the girls went to the nail salon and got our mani's and pedi's. Then we went back to the house to make sure S hadn't killed Tony S. It was the first time they were together for more than 5 minutes without any of us around. They were downstairs smoking Tony S's cuban cigars when we got back watching the Redskins kickoff game, laughing like they were boys. I'm glad because sometimes Tony Soprano can be intimidating. So the Nana made some appetizers and we watched the game. I am SO surprised they won, but gotta give it to the Skins, they got a bad ass defense. And that is why they won. Either they gotta show something spectacular on Saturday against the SeaHawks or they are done. Sorry to say they are most likely done, but never say never.
So after the game S and I went home because the baby wanted to stay at the Nana's, which is typical on Saturdays. He kept talking about how surprised he was his team actually won. And then his boy came over for a little while and we watched the Patriots game. Of course they killed the Jags. Come on..no need to say it.
So I cleaned up a little and did some laundry. I worked on my fiction novel I have decided to start writing. I have about 15 pages.
His boy left and I could hear him downstairs watching clips from the redskins game and I got a crazy idea in my head. I've lost about 20 ppounds since I had bought this little sexy black boy cute panties and camisole top from Fredericks of Hollywoods so I dug around in my underwear drawer and found it. I jumped into the shower and washed and shaved everything and put some mousse in my hair, which I have to say is getting longer..which is great. ok back to me, so I then slip on my knee high boots and I look in the mirror. I actually say out loud to my self "Damn I Look good!" Does this mean I'm vain? No it's just that I haven't felt that great about myself until I put that on. Wish I had a camera. So I grab one of S's long sleeve shirts, button it up and grab my slow motions CD. The one with the I wanna get freaky song on it and Your body, My body. Two great teasing songs. So I thought..
So I walk down the stairs and S's body isn't facing me so he can't see me walking down the stairs. So I try to be really quiet but it doesn't work with the boots I have on with wood and tile floors. So he turns his head and asks me what I'm doing in his shirt and my "hooker boots" as he calls them. I turn the TV off which that makes him sit straight up on the couch and I slip the CD into his CD player. Now if I was smart I would of thought of trying the CD player out and figureing it out before trying to be all sexy and shit.
so I figured it out which made him giggle and me laugh. So the song comes on and I start my litle strip tease. S is looking at me with this goofy smile on his face so I start busting out laughing. I couldn't even try to do the dance because I couldn't stop laughing. Note to self: You can't be a stripper if you laugh easily. So I re-start the songs and try again. So I had moved the cofee table away and I was turning around to ass grind him and I fall flat into the coffee table. I hit the shit out of the top of my head. So I stand up and I go to touch the top of my head and there is blood. So I start balling. For some reason blood makes me sick and makes me cry. So S gets up and he looks at the top of my head and he says that it looks like a pretty good slash and might be best to have it looked at by a Dr.
So I put on some sweat pants on that were sitting on the chair and just keep his shirt on and my boots. I was not clearly thinking here people.
So S drives me to the ER and I'm holding a towel to the top of my head. I go in there and the triage nurse takes me back into the triage room. Of course S is sitting in the waiting room and I'm alone. She asks me what happened and I guess from the lack of blood and dizziness I was feeling I blurted this out:
"I was doing my strip routine for my man and as I was turnring around to shake my ass on his penis, I fell flat into the table."
I SWEAR TO GOD I SAID THAT EXACTLY. I couldn't beleive it either. She looked at me and asked me if this man was my boyfriend or if I was working? I looked at her and I say this:
"I am not a whore. I was trying to spice my sex life with MY BOYFRIEND. he's in the waiting room. You can get him if you want and ask him."
So she finishes the rest of the routine shit and looks at my head and says that I am going to need to get a few stitches, maybe just two or three at the most. So she replaces the towel with some ice because at this point my head has a huge knot on it.
It feels I am waiting there forever and I start to unbutton the shirt I was wearing because I was getting hot and S stopped me real quick. He grabbed me and sat me on his lap and rebuttoned my shirt. It was like I was high or something.
So I get stitched up by this hottie doctor or nurse guy..not sure what he was and he said next time I wanted to become a stripper, to clear all furniture out of the way. And he smiled at me and sent me on my way.
So S and I get home and I pop some of the pain pills they give me and I just take my clothes off and wrap myself up in my cozy blanket and fall asleep on the couch. S must of went upstiars and went to bed.

Well 4am I am awoken by my trailer park neighbors. She is screaming at the top of her lungs in the house at her kids. I can clearly hear what she is saying, that is how loud she is. So I think maybe I'm hallucinating so I lay there for almost an hour listening to her yell at her kids that they are her fucking kids and to shut the fuck up and the kid is screaming back at her. So finally I can't take it anymore and I call 911. I tell them the situation and within 5 minutes 4 cop cars pull in front of out townhouse and I hear a knock on her door. I then hear her screaming at the cops and then they drive off.
So I fall back asleep into my pain pill coma and at 6am I am awoken by her screaming again. this time a guys voice chirps in and tells her to shut the fuck up and I hear this huge crash into the wall. I'm sure he threw her or something. But then it was QUIET!
So I go back to sleep till about 10am or so when S comes down stairs. I go and shower and go out to my car to go over to the Nana's for the giants/carolina game. S decides to stay home. So I go over to the Nana's and I have a small bandage on my head. Of course the Nana and Tony S ask me what happened. Well I tell them I fell into the counter by accident. They look at me funny,probably thinking S threw me into the counter because he hadn't come with me today. So I make up a lie and say I was a little drunk from a little football drinking thing we had at our house last night and I tripped and hit my head and I have like 2 stitches, nothing big, let's just drop it. So we watch teh Giants get creamed by the Panthers. What the hll was wrong with my other team? Jesus!
So I go home and make quesidillas and S isn't there. He had called and left a message on my voicemail becuase at the Nana's I have no reception. He was at his friends house.
I was walking to my truck to go to work and trailer bitch comes storming towards me. I start freaking out cause S isn't home and I don't have anything on me to defend myself in case she starts swinging.
So this is how the convo proceeds. Now granted I am due to work in 10 minutes and my head is throbbing:
(TT is her and ME is me of course)

TT: Are you the bitch who called the pigs last night? (now she has a strong southern accent, which isn't the sexy southern accent, it's the I wanna fuck my brother accent..there is a difference)
ME: No. I don't even know you. I have better things in my life to worry about or care about then what goes on in your house. (of course I'm lying because she's like 4 inches taller than me and two of me together)
TT: well the pigs came to my house last night and I know it was you or your boyfriend.
ME: Listen bitch,(yes I got cocky) I am running late to my job, and I don't need your hillbilly ass (yep..I am a moron) telling me that I did something when I didn't so go back into your house or get back in your loud ass van and go back to WV and leave me the fuck alone.
TT: So you're telling me that you didn't call the cops on us? Are you sure?
ME: Listen bitch, I told you I didn't so back the fuck out of my face and move the fuck on and maybe next time you are all loud as shit or yell outside in the street about being an alchy maybe you should think about the cops being called.

So I walk away and she's screaming curses at me and I totally ignored her. I could care a less. So I call S and tell him and he said I handled myself like I had balls.
So I went to work and made $16 and had to explain to my manager about my mishap as a stripper. he laughed and laughed and laughed. gotta love Stanley.

So I got home, showered and went to bed.

This morning I woke up with a throbbing headache and got ready for work. On my way to work my daughter calls to tell me she tied her shoe all by herself today! And to remind me her bday was in 7 days. I AM SO PROUD OF HER. SHE ACTUALLY TIED IT ALL BY HERSELF WITH NO HELP. Her nana verified this.

So I am a proud mommy today of my little genius, as she now calls herself.

So happy monday and a special shout out to my girl:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CARRIE! Sorry for being a bitch but I just don't get it.