So we finished the gay goodie bags. Not too bad, alot of old people volunteered and were talking about eating oatmeal so I stuck my IPOD in and listened to my favorite musician right now, Ray Charles. I love him since I saw that movie Ray with Jamie Fox in it. He inspires me.

Lunch time came around and I was at my desk and my male boss left for a meeting and I'm just sitting there only to find out my other coworkers were ordering food and I get left out. So I kind of got my feelings hurt, and then I was feeling bad about being nasty to my girl carebare and my mother's bitch self, I started to cry, so I had to go out the back way down the steps to my car to avoid all of my coworkers. I don't like crying, especially in front of people. I am very sensetive and I take things wrong and it makes me seem like a cry baby, but I think there is something truly wrong with my emotions. I'm very stressed right now and I'm on edge. I could take the meds my Dr. gave me but I need to be in bed before 10pm. That won't happen. Plus I have to fill the rx and pay for it. Well all my money is tied up right now. S will give me money like he said last night and I may take him up on it.

Has anyone ever just felt like taking off and driving somewhere and just be alone for a weekend? I wish I could do it but I have the baby all weekend and no money, plus I am not the type to run off on my own for a whole weekend. Maybe a day, but not two. Maybe my issue is being alone? But I enjoy when I'm alone lately. I don't even want to live with anyone else at this point. I just want to crawl into a dark hole for a few days and turn my cell off and hibernate. But once again, I can't. Some would say depressed, but I'm not. I'm not depressed, just in a funk right now that a weekend of selfishness could fix, but I'm not a selfish person. And I think I'm actually too nice sometimes and I get walked on. I put up with way too much and I actually stopped recently and feel better with sticking up for myself. I know, I'm 25 and should be able to, but no one understands me, except my girl carrie. She knows how my life was growing up in my house and the shit that happened and why I am the way I am. She is my one true friend and I just never get to see her. It sucks so bad...ok the tears are starting again...fuck! Who ever is reading thinks probably thinks I'm a big pussy...

Anyways I'm going to do some work before I start crying again. Happy Thursday....