So Tony S will never stop surprising me with the bullshit he throws and does to put a wedge between me and my baby girl. I say this because he is trying to become her "father" by spoiling her rotten. And by spoiling her, making her not want to come to my house because we don't have all the neat things her grandparents have. Take for example, the new additions to their family, Bonnie and Clyde. They are Taco Bell dogs (I say this only cause I can't spell chiwawa). They are brother and sister. Very cute and great size for the baby. And they are good dogs, so far. They are about 5 months old. You ask why this pisses me off? Cause it has been known that I was the one who planned on getting her her first DOG, but what do they do, go and get her 2 dogs and now she is attached to them like marion barry and crack. (Yes I like to reference his crack addiction alot because it amuses me that he was mayor for SO LONG).
I understand kids get attached to animals but her attachment got in the way of our weekend because she didn't want to come with me on sat. to this open house for work. Yeah an open house for work sounds OH SO FUN, but it had a lot of kids stuff, plus my bosses son was going to be there. But no...she had to take care of "the babies" as she calls them and she said Papa was going to take her shopping for clothes for the new dogs. So I say fine, have your nana drop you when they go and measure the rooms in the new house(since it was literally a few miles away from the open house). So when the rain finally ends (it rained from the minutes I got out of the car till 1pm) I called the Nana to tell her and guess who never showed up? My BABY! She was busy playing in the playplace at the mcdonalds and they didn't want to make her leave.
So this weekend I kind of was depressed because I missed my baby. S went to the skins game...yeah they won...and I literally laid in bed or on the couch from around 11am to midnight when I went to bed.
Yeah I am depressed and can't shake the feeling and I don't really know what is causing it. I spoke to my mom and she said she was been crying for the past 3 days. I had been crying for the past 2 days. She has good reason to cry since her 30 year marriage is over and the asshole is being unruly in regards to supporting her. I can see why she is depressed but I can't figure out why I am. I have thought about it and TONS of reasons come up to why I may be depressed. (Not the depressed that would make me want to harm myself, so now worries there).
1. My dad telling me I'm pretty much an idiot with classes and getting ripped off. After I got his hurtful email I wrote a 3 page email back and no word from his ass since.
2. S not supporting my new career choice. I did pass the oral and have a lie detector on October 12th.
3. the baby getting 2 dogs, but not from me, but from ehr grandparents.
4.not ever having any money
5. only have 2 clients so far for the business venture and beginning to wonder if I am retarded for persuing it.
6. Not having a free moment between work and classes to spend quality time with the baby or with S.
7. the baby wanting to stay more at her nana's cause of her new dogs and her friends
8. hating where I live and not being able to move since I don't make enough to pay rent on my won, even though I fool myself in beleiving I can make it on my own but this weekend realizing I am a retard for thinking that since the government won't help me cause I make more than the poverty line, but by like in all reality $10-15 dollars more and I have a vehicle and I don't have 7 million kids and smoke crack....
9. hating not having any real friends here. i have a few friends here but yesterday I didnt respond to their calls or texts, even though S was gone and I had to day to myself.
So those are a few I came up with. Yes I just threw myself a nice little pity party but oh well. This is my "space" and I can throw myself a pity party if I want to. I should send invites out and get some balloons and streamers to go along with it. Maybe some finger food? Sounds good to me...anyone is invited to my pity party, so please just rsvp ahead of time and I will place you on the VIP list.
And to top matters off, I had pink eye the past few days and not just a mild case either. A severe case that I thought my eyes had been glued by a hot glue gun and I was blinded for life. I realized after S dumped me in the shower this wasn't the case but my vision was blurry and my eyes hurt like hell.
I laid in bed all day yesterday so I know I am depressed and nothing will get me out of this stooper, so I must relax and let the world revolve and do what I feel is right to get ahead in life and maybe make some new friends, but where do you find these things called friends? Not in a grocery store or a Wal-Mart. I need help to find new people to help me with my life.
That is it and I drank 2 cans of Green Tea this morning and now I'm about to fall asleep, like I did at the eye doctor's office while waiting for him. I need to get up and walk around before I fall asleep. I almost fell asleep at my desk..not good.
Happy monday. 7th heaven is on again tonight..Boost.